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Platinum - MonoLympic best in show / 12 August 2012

For providing the only logical, long awaited, ultimate-access solution, the platinum metal:


This unique, once-in-lifetime fabulously sensational, interactive brilliance, with a guaranteed 'has to be experienced live' atmosphere from a cast of interdiversity hundreds, has a budget that will bring tears to your soul.

Lynda, our designated access professional has been allocated full powers of authority to determine and design total equality of access and presentation. The results have been acclaimed across the sector and the industry's highest accolades awarded for innovative solutions.

An award-winning director has been signed to record the event and the very latest technologies have been made available to the film crew. Every effort has been made to ensure that wheelless and temporarily nondisabled will not be disadvantaged. A committee has been set up to process all access requests and in the interest of total equality, there will be absolutely no live audience at all.

'Aware of just how difficult and complicated it is to realise universal access' quoted our independent expert, 'we genuinely believe this to be the correct solution.'

Concerns about equality of delivery have prompted a total rewrite of the experience, with responsibility for homogeneity now the sole remit of one universal representative of humanity who may unfortunately be too robustly wheelless to produce the required level of performance in the available window.

To make absolutely certain no-one actually sees a live performance, the filming will be delayed for 24 hours. The current plan is for a robot crew to be shipped in the day after the event has happened. The retrospective digital recording will be documented in total isolation and archived by random computer selection immediately after creation.

And finally, to ensure total equality of access this blog will be erased from your......



Keywords: fifty shades of...