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My blog follows the process of working on The Electric Cello Diary, a project which uses music to symbolize experiences in my everyday life. It started in March 2012, when I had a huge 3 day reaction to a particularly harsh event. Eventually I realized that as a person with Borderline Personality Disorder

Rats

23 October 2013

Blog

Tired and confused at the station, accidently I put the wrong ticket in the barrier. I move back so as not to get in anyones way, but too late, I'm being swung around by someone gripping my elbow and pulling at my handbag. "Standing in the way," shouts a middle aged holiday maker wearing a bright shirt and back pack. Shock, anger, confusion all the way home on the tube. I soothe my elbow and this helps. Another day, a "support worker" I've never met before rings the...

Comments: 4

Bin

14 June 2013

Blog

Beautiful day outside but today I'm unsettled and irritated. It's half term “hurrah!” It seems everyone is saying but working in early years is only some of the work I do. There's about a million other things I should be doing, that I don't really feel like, the sunshine is  beckoning... my angst and irritation is directed at the heavy broken bin that blocks the gate to the beautiful garden. The bin has been there for weeks uncollected by the council. It is put...

Comments: 0

Monsters

3 May 2013

Blog

Beautiful sun, blue sky, I'm late practicing today got distracted reading facebook, been thinking about a link Sophie Partridge posted about Mary Laver www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/proud-disabled-hero-mary-lavers-1862499 a disabled woman who is contemplating hunger strike to beg David Cameron to listen to concerns about the closure of the Independent Living Fund. It's going round my head and I try to imagine what it must feel like to have decisions about the quality of every aspect of...

Comments: 3

Reclaiming my living room

2 May 2013

Blog

Here I am wondering out loud on my cello, connecting with the blue sky, the cherry blossom and freshly painted walls. Something got taken away when support staff turned up unannounced mistakenly citing legal agreements to do with compulsory meetings and my tennancy. I have never signed such an agreement nor am required to do so. All sorted now and with these sounds I'm reclaiming my living space, feeling relieved (it's the third time this has happened in five years and the other times...

Comments: 1

Electric Cello Diary: Prayer

7 February 2013

Blog

Someone very close to me, is having a major operation and this short phrase is an expression of love for that person (with whom  I am in a long term relationship) as well as a prayer. Sometimes it happens that through the cello I connect with my spiritual side. As it's work in progress, I didn't quite get the character on the open strings I would have liked. I dream of working without all the boomy hiss, which is driving me up the wall and for which I apologise. The...

Comments: 1

Electric Cello Diary: Dead Fox

7 January 2013

Blog

It wasn’t my intention to make such a dark and mournful offering at this time of year. This piece originated in early November, but have been busy with work and plagued by various technical problems to do with my cello playing that cannot be blamed (unfortunately!) on needing new equipment etc. I listen to this piece and though happy with some aspects there is so much that I would like to improve. Concentration and focus in practice and performance is a big issue for me and in terms of...

Comments: 3

Electric Cello Diary: Fed up in my living room

7 November 2012

Blog

The piece I have uploaded originated when I felt really constrained by my thoughts and surroundings. In retrospect that’s how I've been feeling about my project The Electric Cello Diary. So much to achieve before it gets where I want it. Feels like I'm underneath a mountain. I am working towards The Electric Cello Diary being presented as a fully accessible blog. At the moment I'm using Facebook and You Tube. I would also like to ‘perform’ in interesting public...

Comments: 4