Where is my place in the world? / 26 June 2015
I’ve just seen Jurassic World. And whilst it didn’t have any obvious disabled characters in it (apart from after someone’s survived being half eaten) it really got me thinking about my place in the world as a story teller. What would my franchise be? What is my career path as a director? I’ve been making short films since 2003. It’s now 2015. That’s over ten years of making films, most of which have been funded by Arts Council England.
I find myself, as I’m about to make two films this year, in a sort of crisis of confidence. Having finished my memoir, I’ve had loads of fun writing it, and rather shockingly, found it a lot ‘easier’ than I have writing a screenplay.
And now my next story, which I want to be my first novel, has worked its way up into my brain so its now ready for me to write about. And I only had this story idea for a couple of years at the most. These things normally take much longer to rise to the top of the surface.
Which is why I’m thinking about what I’m doing. Do I want to continue to make films?
Do I want to continue to work with actors?
Do I want to raise money for my own projects?
Yes, although not as much, I also want to work with other producers who can get a project off the ground, gain financing and has experience with this.
Do I want to write books?
I’ve never done this before 2013. But now, suddenly, it’s something I want to concentrate on. Maybe I’m over thinking things. Maybe the autobiography and the one man play ‘Hidden’ worked because it was so truthful, and actually, I’m a writer. It doesn’t matter what the medium is.
Maybe it just needs to be truthful, and it’ll work better than the other things I’ve written. Maybe its just that I’ve finally got, after years of studying, that I need to write things I’m passionate about. But see I thought I was doing that, with the ideas and themes I was writing about. But maybe I wasn’t.
Maybe I was too afraid to be THAT personal. Instead I wrote about the coming out story, then I wrote about weddings, then I wrote about the girl who was the worst person to be in that situation. Because that’s conflict. And actually, that’s still a really good idea. I just need to make it personal.
And the good writing will follow. How did I get here from Jurassic World? In thinking what my franchise might be, it might not set the box office a light, it might be in books. And maybe that’s OK. Or maybe it’s fine to do both, and I’ll be happy at doing both once I start writing from passion. After all, I am a writer.